Marriage is NOT a Fairytale

I’M SUPER EXCITED that my wonderful sister agreed to be a guest writer on my blog. After this blog, you all will see why I love her so much! lol She’s like a REAL LIVE P31! haha She has been one of my biggest inspirations in my life. I am so grateful to be her baby sister and I am extremely proud of the woman she has become. It has been a joy to watch her grow through her first year of marriage. God has truly done a marvelous work and to witness His glory shine through her and my brother in law’s life is nothing short of divine. I am thankful for her wisdom, her laughter, her realness, her hunger for righteousness, and her bomb.com cooking recipes! lol Thank you Maymoo for letting God use you. Thank you for having the courage to tell your story. Thank you for striving to do things God’s way. Thank you for being a godly example to me and many women around the world. Because of women like you, God’s divine plan and Christ legacy continues to be manifested. Love you so much! Sending lots of hugs and kisses all the way to Tennessee!

Without further ado..

“Marriage is not a Fairytale”

written by,

Meagen Y. Trice.

Often, we see the hashtags, Facebook posts, or Instagram feeds from couples who just got married and think, “Man they have an amazing marriage!!”  The truth is, that no matter how pretty the posts or pictures appear to be, each individual in a marriage must WORK daily to grow in love in order to become ONE. Marriage has continuous growth opportunities that challenge you to your very core. It challenges you to evaluate yourself daily to see if you are truly living love. I am by no means claiming to be an expert on marriage or relationships; I am simply offering an honest perspective on what someone’s first year of marriage could possibly be like and I will also share some vital lessons that I have learned in my first year of marriage.

GOD CAN FILL IN YOUR LIST WITH THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU NEEDED

I know a lot of men and women who made a list of the qualities they desired to have in their spouse. I was one of them.  A few years before I got married I listed all the qualities I desired in a husband and I also listed the ones I did not desire.  After the list was finished, I prayed to God to give me the desires of my heart and I continued to live my life aiming to please God.  Psalms 37:4 “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”  What I’ve realized now, is there were many things that I should have prayed for, but I didn’t realize that I needed them.

LESSON ONE:

GOD GIVES YOU THINGS HE KNOWS YOU NEED BUT WON’T THINK TO PRAY FOR.

There are characteristics in my husband that I specifically prayed for, such as I wanted a loving, attentive, God-fearing, and mild tempered husband. Then there were many traits that he possessed that I would have never thought to ask God for.  But God, who is so kind, knew better than I did. He knew what I needed in order to thrive as a wife.  He provided me with a husband who is willing to grow, who is humble in nature, who seeks to mend, and who encourages my spirit. All of these things I had not thought about prior to marriage. Thank GOD that in His divine wisdom He knew what was best for me and went before me preparing the mate that was perfect for my imperfections. So, on your list and in your prayers, leave room for God’s plan. Don’t be so rigid in your thoughts that your blueprint does not leave room for God’s design.

THERE IS BEAUTY IN OVERCOMING CHALLENGES TOGETHER

No matter how much time you date before you say I do or how many premarital counseling sessions you have, there are some things that will ONLY be learned once you are in the union of marriage. In our premarital counseling, we talked about many scenarios or situations that could cause stress on a marriage, such as finance, family relationships, or sexual dynamics. We would talk about these situations that could arise and seek to find what the bible instructed. Even with awesome preparation in marriage you deal with real life emotions when the challenge arises. Fear, stress, anxiousness, and frustration are real emotions that are present when facing challenges. Once you say I do you are no longer facing hypotheticals, but REAL life!

LESSON TWO:

WHEN CHALLENGES ARISE, BE STILL, SEEK GOD, AND STAND WITH YOUR SPOUSE.

You are STRONGER TOGETHER than you are divided and in the end you will appreciate the journey.  When you get married you enter a partnership with someone with different strengths and talents than yourself.  They may be equipped in areas that you are not. Communicate your concerns, seek God, and pray earnestly for direction.  Don’t be in such a hurry to seek counsel from others that you do not depend and look to your spouse to uplift you and assist you during a difficult time. Too often as newly-weds, we are quick to run to parents or mentors for answers before attempting to resolve our issues amongst ourselves.  Please do not misunderstand me.  It is wise to seek godly counsel when needed. What I am saying is that we should not be so quick to REACH OUT before we REACH UP. We need to give ourselves time with God. The bible is clear, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31) As you overcome hardships as a couple, you will learn and grow together and this will allow your marriage to be strengthened.

MARRIAGE IS NOT A FAIRY TALE BUT IT HAS FAIRY TALE MOMENTS.

Our society has done a great job of flooding our minds with beautiful images of what love and marriage looks like via movie screens; Stories of romantic encounters, never ending love letters, and unwavering chivalry in the face of imaginable odds.

Marriage however, is not a fairy tale. You cannot fast forward through arguments or morning breath by just pressing fast forward on your DVR button.  Contrary to popular belief, you also can not  insta watch a meal on your timeline and it magically appears on your plate LOL!

You have to WORK at marriage.

Every day you must wake up and CHOOSE LOVE.

Now granted some days it will be easy to choose love because you had a full nights’ rest, you have some coins in your bank account, and your belly is full.  BUT trust me, there will be those days when you are very tired, stressed, or even just annoyed!

Will you then STILL choose LOVE?

(I Corth 13:4-8)

Will you choose love when your financial investment causes you to lose more than you gained?

Will you choose love when that meal she made isn’t what you wanted but it’s what’s for dinner?

Will you choose love when your spouse’s tone is not what you would like but the message was still the truth?

It is in those times that you must create your own fairytale moments.

LESSON THREE:

MOMENTS THAT AREN’T IDEAL CAN BE MADE BEAUTIFUL THROUGH ACTS OF LOVE.

Your relationship goals SHOULD NOT be focused on another couple.

Your goal is the love of Christ.

Your marriage may not be a readymade Nicholas Sparks novel but it will be one that radiates with the love of Christ when you seek to please Him.

Show appreciation,

uplift one another,

and

seek to grow in understanding.

These are the true makings of a godly marriage.

Again, I am no marriage expert. Just a young wife living the best life I can in Christ and trying to help as many people along the way as possible. This year of marriage has been one of amazing love and growth and I look forward to the many lessons that are to come in the future.

Pray earnestly, seek God, and CHOOSE LOVE.

With Love,

Mrs. Trice

Fearless.

Faithful.

Following.