Writing this blog is very emotional for me. The reason I say this is because, my heart is so heavy for many single women in the world today. If you are a single woman reading this, I want you to feel my heart for you as I write these words.
“HE who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”-Proverbs 18:22
I believe we live in a society today that shoves marriage down the throats of so many individuals. There is both spoken and unspoken pressures for individuals to get into relationships and to get married, especially for women. If the pressure isn’t coming from the media, it’s coming from family members, church members, and even co-workers. Comments like,
“So who’s the new guy in your life?” or
“Girl when are you getting married?”
“Girl you need to find yourself a man and settle down before you get too old,” or
“Wow, you’re such an amazing woman, why aren’t you married yet?”
“You’re not even dating anyone? Why?!”
Although you may never say it verbally, these same comments can be like hidden knives piercing the depth of your heart. These comments are the same comments you may replay in your heart and mind as you lay your head to go to sleep at night. You may start questioning yourself, your self-worth, your value or even the faithfulness of God. “Lord, why am I not married yet? Is something wrong with me? Maybe I do need to be dating someone right now.”
Something that life has taught me is that Satan can use words, that people may have said with very pure and good intentions, to discourage and develop doubt in the heart of a child of God. That’s why it’s so imperative that as children of God we be so in-tuned with the Spirit of God and God’s word.
“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”-John 10:27
It’s so easy to allow pressures from people and the world to start to develop a spirit of insecurity and create a spirit of desperation for marriage within you. Before you know it, you start subconsciously idolizing the idea of obtaining a relationship and getting married.
Your mission of your day to day life no longer becomes solely to please God, but it becomes, “How can I live in a way that will help me get married faster?” You start to develop a spirit of jealousy, envy, and discontentment when you see others getting engaged and married. You make comments like, “That should be me! That should be me, God! Why can’t that be me?” Before you know it, bitterness starts to brew. Or if not bitterness, an “I’ll do it myself” mentality arises within you. So instead of trusting in the will of God, you start trying to make YOUR will, HIS will.
You start chasing men.
You start LOOKING for “Mr. Right” or
you start trying to make “Mr. Wrong” the “right one.”
Your looking becomes somewhat obsessive. You start misreading the intentions of every guy you meet. With a guy that’s simply being a gentleman and does a nice gesture, you take it to the extreme and think he’s trying to make advances toward you (which is not the case.) With guys at your congregation or fellowships, you start trying to think of ways to discreetly get them to take you out on a date.
You become a woman on the hunt.
You are on a mission to find your man and get married!
You may be thinking, “Okay Ashley, what’s the point of you saying all of this? You’re getting a little extreme.” My point is this. God NEVER designed you to look. As a woman, when you operate in this fashion, you are operating outside of your God-given design. The longer you operate in this way, the longer you will be discontent, heartbroken, and downright miserable!
Sis, STOP LOOKING.
You were not designed to desire the affections of a man, more than the love and affections of God. The more you make marriage and a man your idol, the more you will get further away from God’s will for your life. Am I saying it is wrong to hope, desire, or even pray for a spiritual man of God and a godly marriage? NOT AT ALL. However, it’s all about putting and keeping desires in proper perspective. God has to be our ultimate desire and His will for our lives must be our deepest pleasure.
“My soul waits only upon God; for my expectation is from him.”-Psalm 62:5
So, this leaves the question, “Ashley, but what if I know all of this, and I still want to get married? How do I live in a way where I do not idolize marriage, still keep my faith and relationship with God intact and live a life filled with contentment, peace, and expectation from the Lord?
Come back next week and I’ll tell you how!
To Be Continued…